safety is for chumps

n0t-int0-y0u-deactivated2022081:

I was watching The Great British Baking Show with my girlfriend and two of the judges look like they should be traveling the country disrupting occult rituals with plastic explosives and trapping monsters in concrete.

tasmanianstripes:

sailorcuba:

why is the sims so addictive but only for a short amount of time??? like all u do is play the sims u don’t sleep u don’t eat it’s like you’re on drugs for around two days and then forget about it for the next whole year

God creating Adam and Eve then fucking off for the rest of the eternity like

alligatestheclotpole:

marco polo. that’s the joke thank you for your time 

glompcat:

This question and its answer from The New York Times work advice column is W I L D.

tockthewatchdog:

i cant stop laughing

shucktsubo:

hellomelancholic:

First episodes of audio drama podcasts be like what’s up I’m GAY i live in a TOWN and I just saw a GHOST

kellyclowers:

That rooster is stoned

aces-to-apples:

how dare you make the funniest post about jaskier in the entire fandom

kryss-tethras:

I see no difference.

i-hate-chick-fil-a:

What to do if your book’s too big: an alignment chart

manicdreamin:

oh you love me?? name 3 meds that didn’t work for me

not-now-noah:

I love in Wait For Me when the Fates are like “where do you think you’re going who do you think you are” and Orpheus is just like

dizzydennis:

Just a test to see if I could make an Ace Attorney game in PowerPoint. There are no sound effects yet.

georgiansuggestion:

aeon-shaping-lie:

georgiansuggestion:

stitch a pocket large enough for several books, a spindle, spare slippers, a loaf of bread, and your dignity

Good sir I only own four of those things

You may, if desired, replace Whatever you lack with More Bread.

hatsunemikudiamond:

gems.png (Hamtaro: Ham-Ham Heartbreak)

uss-edsall:

bluemonkeydevil:

uss-edsall:

uss-edsall:

When you’re an archaeologist with a set schedule, sometimes people really get to understand who you are

When I dug in France I always got a croissant at 0520 from the same exact place in Échemines. A week in, they had one lying on the counter for me by the time I walked in. By the second week I got the exact amount I’d pay in hand when I walked in, because they’d reliably have it ready. I made sure to tell the owners that I wasn’t returning on my last day of the dig.

I may mention that every time I ordered in French. On my last day the owners gave me hugs and kindly told me to never speak in French again

They had your order ready so they wouldn’t have to hear you speak French 🤣

OH, MOTHERFUCKER